What do single people think about the 14th February?

All out of love. Picture taken by Jamie Shapiro

If you’re single like me then the chances are you too hate Valentine’s Day.
And I’m not talking about ‘argh the family is coming round for Christmas dinner’ hatred, I’m talking about real visceral hatred.
For me, my diary of frustration goes something like this.
12th February. ‘Oh no its coming up again.’
13th February. ‘I will cross the road if I see a couple on my side holding hands.’
14th February. ‘I’m in Marks and Spencer and I am honestly ready to set fire to the flowers.’
The funny thing is though, I always tell people that I don’t even want to be in a relationship. We’ll be in the pub and the conversation will arise of why I am still single and I’ll say something along the lines of, ‘I am married to my work,’ but then, their girlfriends will arrive and inside, I’ll feel lonely.
I’m at the stage in life where getting a girlfriend seems like the logical next step. I had my fun when I was a teenager, I sorted out my career in my early twenties, and now, it seems as though the universe is telling me it’s time to settle down.
And I guess, even though I play it cool, deep down I want to. I know from past relationships that nothing else makes you feel so whole, so complete, so happy.
Day’s like Valentine’s Day seem to shove what I don’t have in my face.

I wanted to find out why so many of us singletons seem to have the same level of bitterness when it comes to the 14th of February, so I spoke to Jose ‘Miguel,’ a 28-year-old builder from Watford, who is as unlucky in love as I am.

Single and ready to mingle. Jose ‘Miguel’. Picture provided by Jose ‘Miguel’.

Jamie: “How long have you been single for?”
Jose: “Seven or eight years. I’ve been on and off with a few people but it’s never felt real.”
Jamie: “What about your friends and colleagues? Are they single too?”
Jose: “They are very laddy and play the field a lot. That’s just what you do in your twenties. I mean, you might meet the right one while you are playing that field, right? My best mate did. He’s getting married in a few weeks.”
Jamie: “How do you feel about that?”
Jose: “I don’t feel bitter. I can’t. I’m happy for him. He’s managed to hold it down. I haven’t.”
Jamie: “How do you feel about days like Valentine’s Day?”
Jose: “It makes me feel left out. Single people seem to be a minority that day.”
Jamie: “Why does it make you feel left out?”
Jose: “I see all the people out for dinner who have been married for ten, fifteen, twenty years. There should be a day called ‘Singles Day.'”

It was clear from talking to Jose that although he seemed to act casual about his relationship status, deep down he was desperate to find someone.
The common interpretation of a lot of single people on Valentine’s Day is that they are consumed with jealousy and caught up in bitterness. However, I believe there is more going on than those rather low-lying feelings. I believe the problem that they have goes deeper.

Mark Cox is a psychology graduate who specialises in the human thought process. He uses his expertise to educate companies on how to best get to the core of what their consumers really want. He was the perfect professional to explain the real reason why single people tend to hate this most romantic day of the year.

Psychology expert. Mark Cox. Picture provided by Mark Cox.

He said: “Loneliness is an epidemic in this 21st century society. Older people often spend weeks without seeing anybody and single people are at the same risk.
“Loneliness is linked to high blood pressure, heart disease and obesity and it weakens your immune system so you’re much more likely to catch your common cold or even Covid.
Being in a relationship with somebody makes your immune system stronger and you are less likely to have cognitive decline and Alzheimer’s disease.
As humans we are social creatures so when we see other people in loving relationships, we can’t help but want it for ourselves. At the end of the day all we want is to be happy.”

Here are the highlights from the Mark Cox interview;

It seems it is quite natural to dislike Valentine’s Day if you are single. We all want to be healthy and well, and deep down we know that a major way of achieving that is to be in a relationship. Of course we will feel ‘left out’ when we see others who are happily together.
So, what can we do? Should we desperately try to find a partner? Should we stay in on Valentine’s Day so we don’t get triggered? Should we go out and accept that on one day of the year we are filled with disgust?
No.
As Mark Cox said, ‘All we want is to be happy.’ There are many ways of achieving this. Strong friendships, spending your time doing your passion, seeing the world. We should focus on what we can do to be happy.
We can be single and happy. Happiness isn’t exclusive to those in relationships; and maybe if we are happier, we will be in a better place and have more chance of finding the right one.
But until then, don’t hate Valentine’s Day. Life is too short to be filled with hate. Next time the 14th of February comes around, head to Marks and Spencer’s and buy yourself a nice bouquet of flowers.
Aftercall, you deserve it.

By Jamie Shapiro